


Paying Attention

by romanticalgirl



Series: Attention's Price [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 2000</p>
    </blockquote>





	Paying Attention

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 2000

I'm staring into space, blank eyed, as my mind fills with images of the past couple of days, maybe even the past couple of weeks. I know the people around me think I'm not paying attention, but that's not the problem. I pay too much attention, to everything. Attention boy, that's me.

And now I can't stop paying attention to her. I keep trying, but over the last few days she seems to be all I can see. It's as though the whole world had narrowed to just her, and I've never felt guiltier in my entire life.

I mean, what am I supposed to do when I've started falling for my girlfriend's best friend?

And yes, the irony is noted.

Don't get me wrong, I still love Willow. I love her with my heart and my soul and the little bits of me that I don't show anyone else. But Buffy is passing through my view and her strong determination and desire to stop all of this from hurting us and everyone else is making her sexy as hell.

"Oz?"

I start; realizing that I haven't been paying attention to the right things as Willow nudges me gently. "Do you think you can do that?"

Visions of what could have been said while I was lost somewhere in the sight of the Slayer's creamy skin dance through my head. Shaking it, I look over at Willow. "Sorry, baby. I was lost in thought."

I don't want to say what those thoughts are, and thankfully she doesn't ask. It's been hell the past few days as Buffy has started to get over the thought of losing Angel. She's become more aggressive, but never harsh. She's more demanding, but never hurtful. And she's been turning me on something fierce.

I almost let it slip too, the night of the prom. Willow was so worried about things, but I knew that Buffy wouldn't let us down. She'd made a promise and she would keep it. When I saw her walk in, I had to distance myself from Willow just slightly to accommodate the sudden rush of blood to my groin.

"Giles wants to know if we could run over to the hall of records again and get some more information. Well, actually, he was hoping you could do it while I did some research here?"

"Sure. Anything to help."

"Could you give me a ride?" Buffy's voice, not to mention the double entendre, produces the same effect the sight of her did the other night and I nod dumbly. God, now I know how Xander feels. There's an unusual experience.

"That's doable." I stand and grab my jacket, giving Willow a quick kiss on the lips. I feel guilty for betraying her, even if it's only in thought, but I find I can't stop thinking. I can't stop paying attention to all the wrong things. "I'll see you later?"

Her red hair catches the light as she nods and my heart tightens at the sight. I do love my Willow. "Definitely."

I turn to Buffy and hold out my arm like a gentleman. "Your carriage awaits you, Madame."

***  
We have a lot in common, Buffy and I. We discuss not being able to change who and what we are every time we're alone together, which admittedly isn't all that often. But for some reason, the tension in the van tonight keeps both of us from finding any similarities in our situations. Or maybe we've just said everything that needs to be said.

Or maybe I'm just afraid of saying what I'm thinking.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did you want to go? I mean, I know I'm headed for the hall of records, but I have no idea where you're headed."

"Home."

"You live in the opposite direction," I mention, just in case she's forgotten.

"I know. But I don't really want to face my mom just yet and hear her remind me that Angel's leaving is really for the best. And I know if I'm left to my own devices I'll go and try to find Angel. And I'll hate myself in the morning for being so weak."

"You're not weak."

The words sound so innocuous that I flinch. I sound like I'm talking to Willow, not Buffy. She's not weak physically, but right now she's so fragile emotionally. Taking a deep breath, I pull the van off the side of the road and turn off the ignition. She looks up from her hands and stares out at the night. "Why are we stopped?"

"I had a girlfriend a long time ago who swore to me that she loved me. We had fun, got in a lot of trouble and scared her parents all the time. Then suddenly, our relationship started to change. We started to need each other on top of wanting each other. The wanting is pretty easy to get rid of. If you can't do the deed, you just walk away. But when you need someone, when their very presence is necessary for you to function…" I fade off, realizing that I've now broken my record for speech around Buffy.

"I didn't think guys were allowed to be smart and compassionate."

"Well, normally we're not, but occasionally it happens."

"I guess what I want, what I need, is some down time. With everything going on, all building to a head…then this emotional rollercoaster with Angel…well, I'm feeling like it's let's pile everything on Buffy week."

"Well, the looking stuff up can wait if you want to just relax for a bit." I smile at her, wondering where the calm I'm known for has gone.

"Sounds great." She looks around before climbing into the back of the van. I follow her, trying not to think, but finding myself paying too much attention again.

Paying attention to the delicate sweep of her neck, the way her body moves, the way her chest rises and falls as she breathes, the way she's watching me appraise h… Shit. I blush, thankful the back of the van is fairly dark.

"What's going on here, Oz?"

It would be so easy to get out of this, to pretend I didn't know what she was talking about. To pretend I'd been thinking of Willow or another guitar chord to learn for the Dingoes. It would be easy to lie.

I've never been good at taking the easy way out. "Nothing yet."

"Did you plan on there being something? Because if so, you need to let me know so I can set aside some time in my schedule to kick your ass."

"Willow is the most amazing girl in the world." I sink down to the carpeted floor and look up at her. "Chosen ones excluded, that is. And I love her. I'm so lucky to have her and love her and have her love me. I like to think it keeps both of us going."

Buffy sits across from me, drawing her legs in. "I know what you mean."

"And I would never hurt her. Not for the world." Her honey-gold hair dances in the moonlight as she nods. "But it's hard sometimes, knowing that, despite everything she means to me, there's this…bond between her and Xander that I can't break." I sigh, wondering if she has any idea of what I'm trying to say. "Too much between them, too much in common."

"Like us."

My sigh is audible this time as I nod. "Life out of our control. Loving people who can't love us completely."

Her blue-green eyes hold mine intently. "So you're proposing maybe that we…complete each other?"

"I was thinking maybe we could provide the missing pieces. The understanding, the compassion, the…the…" my words fail me like they so often seem to. Taking the cue from my silent performance last week, I decide actions will speak louder than words.

So I lean forward and press a kiss to the soft, firm, pliant lips of the Slayer. And just like that, I'm cheating on the woman I love.

And I'm hoping that, when I see her again, she won't look into my eyes and see the betrayal. Hoping she won't notice that things have changed. Hoping that we'll still be Oz and Willow while I'm in the middle of being Oz and Buffy.

Hoping she isn't paying attention.


End file.
